Dreams Are Not Real

It started in January… My son’s reflux went out of control, causing me to lose a lot of sleep and spend all my spare computer time searching for any information that could help me help my child feel better.  The stress has been as crazy as the hours.  My dreams began recycling movie content with boring memories from the distant past to create dreams that felt like they couldn’t  be mine.  It is a situation that I hope to get under control for real in the next week or two.  But all the sleeplessness and stress really destroyed any creative impulses I might have felt.  I had begun to write something big about acid reflux, but I need to do more research as well as think better before I can post something important.  In place of important, here is something that was significant to me…

I dreamed that I tried pumping my breasts again for some unknown reason and found that I was lactating again.  Holy cow!  That’s like finding an extra hundred bucks in my budget, seriously.  So in my dream I start thinking through how this is going to work.  I’m going to have to (sadly) dump all that I’d pumped so far rather than give it to my child.  I’ve been eating dairy, so my milk would be contaminated with cow’s milk proteins.  I’ll have to cut dairy and soy back out of my diet.  Who cares?  Free money!  I am all kinds of stoked about this development.  I never once ask myself how such a thing could have happened…

I wake up and look at my little boy sleeping next to me and I start thinking about this some more.  I’ll have to stop taking frozen lunches to work and start having to cook more…  And then I really wake up to the disappointing realization that it was all a dream.  I can’t feed my son anymore.  I can’t stop buying formula for the foreseeable future.  Don’t get me wrong.  I appreciated breastfeeding while I was doing it, but buying amino-acid based formula for a year and a half has given me a whole new appreciation of that thing I used to do, when my body just did what it was supposed to do.  It was like printing money.  And I really do wish I could print money right about now.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kristen @ Motherese
    Feb 22, 2012 @ 10:59:30

    What an intense dream! Although I rarely take the time to stop and think about what my dreams mean, I’m fascinated by the way that dreams can sometimes connect us to an unknown desire or fear. To my untrained eyes, your dream seems to be a powerful symbol of how dedicated you are to nurturing your son – during your waking hours and those few hours of sleep.

    I hope you find some help for the reflux soon!


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