I Love Being Mommy

I am grateful for my son.  I’m kind of late in writing this, November is over after all.  But I find that I’m having a tough time coming up with the words to describe how I feel about my little guy.  Instead of trying to write something complicated and flowery, I figured I couldn’t go wrong just talking about the awesomeness that is mothering a small child.

Nothing in my life ever felt quite like having little fingers wrapped tight around my neck and a sweet little face pressed against mine.  I never knew anyone could find the courage to face the world by embracing me with all my limited-social-skills awkwardness.   I love the need my son has for contact with me, to be picked up and held for any reason and no reason.  And then just as quickly, he decides that he needs to separate from me, and my offers of kisses and hugs go rebuffed.  And I’m grateful for this as well, this opportunity to teach someone that touching someone or not is always his decision to make.

Having a child is  like holding up a big mirror on your whole life.  Do you use profanity?  I do, and I occasionally hear it from Liam.  It’s a solid reminder of how much I don’t like hearing that kind of talk myself, even from people old enough to use that kind of language.  Does your child trust you when you say you’ll do something later?  It means you’ve been trustworthy with him or her.  Did your child run around Micheal’s the whole entire time you were shopping, occasionally squealing very loudly?  No, just me?  Well, it means I’m not a perfect parent either.

From the beginning, he seemed like he had come from another planet, Liam was just so much cooler than his parents.  I’d expected to have a healthy baby with a normal baby disposition or perhaps a difficult one.  I got a baby with bad health problems but who seemed to understand how good life was whenever he didn’t feel bad.  He had (and still has)  a low-key go-with-the-flow type personality that really surprised us.  And he was so good.  He helped Mike and I see that we were good once too.  You really can’t put any sort of price tag on that experience.

When you see yourself reflected in a child’s eyes, you see yourself, perfected.  When I was young, it felt false to me.  This kid thinks I’m some awesome person that I’m not and how will I ever keep up the ruse?  And I know that my child loves me for being his mommy and I understand that his love and esteem at this point is mostly undeserved.  But parenting also gives us an opportunity.  I can be worthy of that love.  I can be worthy of that esteem.  This adventure doesn’t have to end with disillusionment and regret.  I can be the woman he believes I am.  I can be who I really am with him.

And he is good.  Just this evening, he made a mess and then I told him to clean it up and he did, and I only had to ask him once.   I told him how happy I was that he did as I asked and gave him a kiss.  And he was off to his next adventure of the evening.

Goodness does not have to be relegated to the past though.  And sweetness need not be a stage for my child to outgrow.  Our adventure together is still only beginning.   And I just love where he is taking me.  How does your child let you know you’re a wonderful person?  What is wonderful about your child or children?

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9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Rach (DonutsMama)
    Dec 12, 2011 @ 22:28:45

    This was so beautiful! I agree with all of it. Sometimes I wonder why my baby thinks I’m so awesome. I realize that she wants to be around me and held b/c she knows she’s loved by me. And your boy obviously knows that too.

    Reply

  2. Anita
    Dec 13, 2011 @ 00:23:22

    I loved the insights! After 11 1/2 years I tend to forget the wonderful-ness of it from time to time.

    Reply

  3. Arby
    Dec 13, 2011 @ 10:28:27

    The biggest lesson I learned raising a child with major health issues is that they do not define themselves by their health issues. They simply live their lives as any child without health issues would live. Parents, friends, and relatives make the mistake of defining children by their health issues. My child is a cardiac kid. So-and-so’s child is a Down’s baby. If we stretch our minds and try to view our children as they see themselves, we’ll see their limitless possibilities and enthusiasm for life. It’s pretty cool.

    Reply

  4. Kristen @ Motherese
    Dec 13, 2011 @ 13:58:28

    This is really, really lovely. You may have missed the “official” month of gratitude, but you’re right in time for the season of giving, and I think this post is a tremendous gift: to your son, if and when he ever reads it; to you, for taking the time to reflect on how much he has brought to your life; and to your readers, for the reminder of how lucky we are to play this role of parents.

    Okay, must go hug my kids now. 🙂

    Reply

  5. NayLahKnee
    Dec 13, 2011 @ 20:30:33

    BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!! the love of a child is AWESOME. I am struggling with helping my 11 year old, cousin-in-law deal with her issues with her mom. She told my husband the other day she doesnt care if her mother lives or dies. Her mother is in the hospital now, readmitted after a RADICAL cervical cancer surgery. A relationship with a parent is so fragile. We are blessed.

    Reply

    • sleeplessinsummerville
      Dec 14, 2011 @ 09:30:24

      I hope she pulls through and gets better! It’s tough to lose a parent at any age, but when you’re still young and the relationship hasn’t been so great, it’s just this tremendous loss. Thank you for stopping by!

      Reply

  6. Robin | Farewell, Stranger
    Dec 14, 2011 @ 10:48:43

    Oh, what a beautiful post. A lot of posts about loving our children are just sap (which is lovely, but…). But this one is a mirror, and I love it.

    Reply

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